yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
