this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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