U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
