Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
