he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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