I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
