if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
time to smoke my breakfast
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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