Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
