life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
