My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
