His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
