So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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