my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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