How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
