at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
