is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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