I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
