All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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