obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
