I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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