Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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