Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
