And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
