I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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