Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
