all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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