My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
