She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
