1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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