my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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