All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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