You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I fill condoms, not promises.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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