It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
