Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
