So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
