Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You're completely useless in the revolution.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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