Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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