High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
