you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
