I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
