I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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