he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
