Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
porn star boner night. come get it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
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