dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
