Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
