yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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