all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
