You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
