I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize