she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Your cock deserves a montage
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
