Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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