Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
